For a while, quite a while actually I have considered the idea of writing a blog. How exciting it could be to share with people what I have learned, maybe they would be interested and want to learn to. And then there was that awful feeling of terror! Putting my heart out there, saying the words out loud that have only been floating around in my head, sharing the fears and desires that live in the emotional space of my gut, pure terror! But it has taken pure vulnerability to set out on the journey I have taken, I guess this is another test to the bravery, unknowing and all together scary feelings that come with that vulnerability. I was inspired when Rita started writing her blog. Thank you, Rita for planting the seed to help this idea grow and gain the strength to actually be put into words. So here it goes, please be gentle with my heart and I promise to always be gentle with yours.
Grey. This idea of living in the grey has returned to me over and over again. It feels like the right space for me to occupy. Grey is the middle ground. Black is one end of the spectrum. The deep dark black, that represents the hardest times in our life. The times when no presence, no touch and no words can bring you comfort or answers. We all have these times. Looking back at a journal entry from years ago I was stuck by the words “I am broken. I am lost and I want healing”. This was my black. Sometimes the reasons can’t be explained, there is no blame to be given. I was loved by many people in my life at the time but as I have only recently truly understood, no amount of love or attention can fill the space that must be filled by self-love. Then there is white. Pure white, like snow that can be seen shimmering in the moon light of a dark night. White the opposite of black represents those feelings of elation, pure joy and bliss that only certain things in life can bring. Your connection to a higher source, the truth you find in your own self acceptance, your children. Again these times may not have words either. Black and White they are the extremes.
When I picture grey I see the black and I see the white. I imagine finger paint. Taking the black and taking the white, feeling the paint on my finger tips, because these are real emotions that are deeply felt. I imagine taking these two and blending them a little at first and then more and more until the whole spectrum of life can be seen. The blackest of grey and the whitest of grey. Like in art class when you learn about primary colors and monochromatic colors. In the years since that journal entry I have been chipping away at finding a way to blend the two extremes of my life into the grey area that I call moderation, middle ground, balance, my happy space. There lays the idea: Living in the Grey.
If grey isn’t your thing, you can chose another color. Name red and blue as your extremes and live in the purple! The options are many, just as the choices we make in life are many. The path(s) we chose to take are of our own choosing. I love the saying; the paths are many, the truth is one. It doesn’t matter what path we chose, or what speed we take it, it only matters that we are trying. For me this has meant striving for balance in my life by LEARNING from the times I have lived at the extremes. I am pretty sure I have done almost everything at both extremes before realizing that neither is sustainable. Sure dipping to either side happens but it’s not healthy or realistic to maintain the black zone or the white zone. The important part to me is that through this process I have found a rich sense of who I am, how I can better care for myself and those I love. It’s a process, that to be honest has no end date, and I am perfectly content knowing that.
It is my desire to assist others in finding this place. How? I am working on putting that together now. My best answer so far is my yoga practice, in which I strive to create a safe space for people to come explore their own ability to have control in their life. Yoga offers the chance to slow down, gives your muscles the opportunity to strengthen and lengthen. It also offers the opportunity to quite the mind. Because with a mind that stops screaming at you (and let’s face it most of us live in a mind that talks to us in ways we would never talk to anyone else) life is easier to process, handle and enjoy. Through this work in my own self discovery I have decided to pursue my RYT-200hr registration though YogaFit (completion in November 2015) and am in the process of finishing a course to earn an Intuitive Eating Coach Certification (Completion June 2015). Putting it all together and finding the best way to guide people in their own self discovery of food and body trust is my goal now. I will try my hand at this blogging thing, in order to share more about the tools I have used and how the process has evolved for me. My desire is that this will allow me to connect with people where they are at in their own journey and maybe inspire/encourage others to consider what their journey is and how I may be able to support them with their own growth.
During this process of growth I have met and worked with some amazing people:
Michael Young of www.Alighthealer.com
Lizette DuBay of www.Damzil.com
Dana and Hilary of www.BeNourished.org